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Fuck Australia day |
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Yeh, there you go. Get back to work you lazy bums.
Oh, Javan wants you to read this. A friend of hers wrote it. So there. :)
-Nooten out (ps this is long....)
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WE ARE ONE
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many States.
First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way to Bali.
And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning.
And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk.
Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australian!
P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY
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UH OH! I'm a dumbass :P |
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ok. I'm dumb and changed my email for my ISP... well I put in the wrong address and never got the bill so I lost my connection. I'm using a mates PC at the moment. I won't be online for a while because I'm on holidays but I will be back soon (I hope). When I get back I'll update the galleries and may even add a nice paypal donate button at the bottom..because hey.. who doesn't like money?
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Dear Old People - Just Die Already. :) |
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Let me get this out of the way... if you're old and easily offended and are missing your funny bones then you may wish to go to another site. I recommend foxnews.com because it's obvious you're a Republican. HA! see - that was "humour". ok?
Now some of you may be aware of a little thing going on in Hobart where some old people are being old , cranky and close minded and as such have forced the closing of what was said to be the coolest nightclub in the city. I am - of course - talking about Dj McCools Bar and Grill... once again "humour". Club Surreal is the fine establishment which has shut its doors due to some old people getting huffy about "loud music" and "those damn kids" or whatever. It appears as though they just wanted to get the club owners to adjust the time at which it closed to a rosy 2 am. Instead the club just shut down. Yeah take that you old folk. So now all the people that use to go clubbing on a friday and saturday night will go somewhere else... or stay at home, which is where my issue comes in. If people are no longer going to the clubs (it seems as though this is going to happen to all clubs in the Hobart area where there's old people near by. ie; everywhere)...and all people are now going to stay at home. That means if there's a problem cops will have to travel further (they probably had units close by to the club before) , which means reponce time is low, which means... well, I'm sure you understand the problem by now. Right?
It's ridiculous to think that these folk don't recall their younger days when they wanted to have a bit of fun and I can sure as hell bet they did some crazy ass things in those days. I just love the way they like to believe that they were all polite and were never unruly - no sir not in the good old days. I personally think that these people never really considered the effects of their actions, instead preferring to travel along the path of self centered, youth hating bigotry. This whole state is falling into a pit of nursing home controlled boredom and by the time these whingers let go of their walking and frames and fall over dead it'll probably be too late.
So ,yeh, there you go. Old people suck the awesome out of fun. Except the cool old people that play video games and indulge in things that doesn't include watching The Bill or freaking Lawn Bowls. Now there's a bunch of clubs that need to be shut down. GOSH DARNIT.
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Wow.. Sunday is so boring. |
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Just thought I'd let you know... I'll be adding galleries and sorting out weblinks pretty soon. :)
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The News! |
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Okay, here's what's been going on.
I use to own deadbored.com - then someone forgot to tell me reg was due.. so I lost it to some silly company.
Then I ran but wasn't the owner of deadbored.com.au - and the people hosting me didn't want to anymore. So la la la on that one Batman.
Now I own this wonderful domain! Hooray.
Apart from that I'm working on a Half life 2 mod.. which I won't name but will tell you it should be "kickin' rad". We've got a full team and everyone is hard at work on it, which is great. Hopefully you'll all be playing it in just a couple of months.
:)
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The site is up |
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